Hello, Goodbye

Here I am, in my branch

I’m starting to feel like my whole world is engulfed with problems. Especially on this day, my superior politely asked me to stay back, to wait for some tasks he might/might not give to me. Since he’s nice, I shan’t complain.

But there’s a bunch of matters outside army life that troubles me. And I really want to talk about it. But when its always at the very moment that I chose not to tell. Because… its just not in me to show that side of me. But I just wanna rant, yknw? Really rant. Illogical nvm, but i wanna just splurt out all the simple little minor fucking irritating disturbing things in my mind. Say for the sake for saying oso can.

Well that brings me to another point.. I really envy those who’re not alone. Those with siblings. Those with parents they can communicate well with. Those with their other half. Those with pets. Those with those things that can have some spiritual attachment to it one la……. 

Flies

Swarm they may, for all I care.
But deep down, somethings’ cracked.

It would be more interesting if you told your story than me writing your story. Its abt u anyway, not me….

Who can I open up to?

Hmm, maybe i may seem strong and independent. But I know I’m not. Since young I don’t even open up to my mother and less to say my father. Tonight my mom poured her grievances towards my father to me. I sure as hell dun wanna listen. But im her only child and friend… who will listen to her if it isnt me…

But who will listen to me? Nah. I know how it feels like when ppl pour troubles to me. I get troubled and worried as well. And so, I chose not to make others worried and troubled for my sake.

Wah fucking 烦sia. Screwed up life. ARGH FUCK!

Cos i dun qualify, i dun expect. Whatever i gain, its just a bonus to me.

I always tell myself that. But why, i chose not to expect but i still end up helpless and disappointed? Why?

Can’t sleep.

Ystd night, randomly, I started thinking of the friends whom I have lost or haven’t been maintaining contact with. The feeling is damn bad. I could have done alot more. Such that I could have blossomed alot more friendships into fruition. I feel that I’ve put too much trust and faith into this sole group of soulmates I have. But nonetheless we’ve reached a stage in life where we walk separate paths, each man their own, each for their best. And its inevitable some of us are caught up in other things… and fail to put in effort anymore.

Ultimately, I just shouldn’t have placed all my stakes in one wager. All the eggs in one basket. Cos I wouldn’t have felt this bad if I have other groups of friends awaiting me for the weekend. And dun misunderstand, I love my current circle of friends, but they are ever-shrinking in size… Honestly I feel sad each time a member drift away. I wish I had more ppl to go out with so that the sense of loss isn’t this big. I’m a sentimental person afterall. Crazy, arrogant but doesn’t have the capacity to be arrogant kind of person. I know I’m fucking too flawed. I know I’m lacking too much. And I know I lack concern..

Too many a times … it all wasn’t about me. As in I’m not even in the picture at all… how to say this clearly.. I know I can, but its inside of me. The vulnerable side. And I haven’t showed it to anybody. Cos, haha, amusingly, I think no one gives a flying fuck too.

Goodbye civillian self :)

To you, I really have nothing much to say. The more I say the more a friend of yours whom I now call bitch will start to bark at my face. I shudnt say anymore too, cos the more wavered i make u, the more his gonna abuse you verbally or physically. its best none of this happen again. After we go in there’s really nothing much we can do le. Well, have faith. In the meantime open your eyes wide. Ask yourself whether you are being truthful to yourself, whether the decisions you make are made based on your goodwill. Not other ppls. Stay strong :)

To you. Hey there little. I know your bf is going in la. But hes coming out more of a man than he ever was lehz. Its a good trade in that sense. Im happy youall are getting on the right pace, tone, path. Hope all that will maintain thru out this 2 years. Stay strong too, little!

To you. Hi there you. You are going in soon too arent you. You’re gonna shake those fats away and come out a real man too. Discipline and pride. Those will be instilled in you once u step out :) Even though A level results may be striking fear in your heart, you know you wont be going back to college for another year. Whats done is done. Move on. Accountancy and psychology and Korea is waiting for you. If neither works out, well theres always a way by then. Just clear your
mind, be prepared for whats to come. Tay Chin Xian, JIAYOU! HUAT ARH! ARMY HERE I COMEEEEE

大人们为什么嘴巴都那么贱? 教育不够，思想不全，心胸狭窄。我对那地方，不带任何好感。值得想念的只有我这辈的人，因为他们之间和气，不会勾心斗角、专说是非。听到没? 专说是非。也许你们人生是因为这些是非而精彩。或许你们因为从是非中得到比别人高一等的幻想。也有可能你们以为你们很清高，地位颇高，流的是皇族的血，这辈子不拉屎不撒尿? 收敛一点。没剩几年积德了。如果继续下去，那我也只能祝你们遇阎罗王时他少算你们几些罪孽。